All You Need Is Chocolate

Of all the manufactured holidays, Valentine's Day is my least favorite. Although I remain ever the hopeless romantic, the spirit of the occasion was forever crushed for me by the indelibly cruel grammar school ritual of exchanging cards with everyone in your class. Surely you remember those 'value' bags of Valentines from back in the day, (I happen to know the teachers kept a few in their desks in case some kid's family couldn't afford them). There'd be a couple of big fancy cards, for your best girlfriend and your secret crush, a bunch of cute, if non-committal but at least medium-sized, cards for most of the others, and a handful of crappy little cards that pictured a postman putting a letter into a mailbox with the caption, "Just dropping by to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day," for the kids you'd never noticed before or just plain didn't like.

The only time I got one of the big cards from a boy was in 5th grade, from Frank (not his real name) Crabb. Having been 'held back' several years, Frank was 13 and the only kid in grammar school who smoked cigarettes and shaved. Already a sexual deviate, he had an unnerving habit of accidentally bumping into budding prepubescent girls in the hallway and grabbing their breasts. And no, Frank did not go on to become a doctor or president of the local bank, despite what my mother tried to tell me that night in a vain effort to cheer me up. (Last I heard he was in prison, but I can't say for what. We kind of lost touch.)

My secret crush, Bobby Smith, who did become a doctor and to whom I'd given one of my big Valentines -- a sad-eyed, droopy-eared puppy holding a huge heart its paws and the text, "I'm begging to be your Valentine" -- gave me the postman putting a letter into a mailbox with, "just kidding," written on the back. And, no, I am not making this up.

Fortunately, there was chocolate, Hershey's Kisses, the gateway to Godiva. My mom just handed me the bag and let me eat all I wanted. (It was a lot easier than explaining the cutthroat world of adolescence I was about to enter, where my social value would be judged solely on my bra size and ability to French kiss without gagging.) It turned out to be the most important thing I'd learn from her.

Any of you ladies who've spent hours making the perfect chocolate truffle cheesecake mousse for your significant other on Valentine's Day, even though you know that's not what he really wants,  know who that chocolate extravaganza is really for. So let's cut to the chase. You want chocolate. It's never let you down, and it never will. It doesn't have to be fancy, and it doesn't have to take all day to prepare; it just has to be rich, and satisfying. (I leave you to draw your own comparisons.)

So whether you're spending Valentine's Day solo or with your soul mate, it's time to get out your heart-shaped dish or pan, (you know you have one), splurge on some top quality chocolate and cocoa powder, and whip up a quick and easy chocolate fix that hits all the right spots every time; hot fudge, cake, creamy pudding, and 72% cacao. All you need is chocolate.

HOT FUDGE PUDDING CAKE

1 cup cold brewed coffee mixed with 1/2 cup water OR 2 teaspoons instant coffee dissolved in 1 1/2 cups water
2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (divided)
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar (divided)
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, chopped
3/4 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup whole milk
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg yolk

Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and preheat oven to 325 degrees. Spray an 8-inch (8 cup) cake pan or dish with baking spray.

In a small bowl, stir together 1/3 cup of the cocoa, the brown sugar, and 1/3 cup of the granulated sugar. Set aside.

Melt butter, with the remaining 1/3 cup of cocoa and the chocolate in the top of a double boiler. Whisk until smooth, cool slightly.

Sift flower and baking powder together, set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the remaining 2/3 cup granulated sugar, vanilla, milk and salt. Whisk in egg yolk. Add chocolate mixture and then flour mixture, whisking until batter is evenly moistened.

Pour batter into prepared baking dish. Sprinkle cocoa sugar mixture evenly over batter (should cover entire surface). Then pour the coffee gently over the top.

Bake about 45 minutes, until cake is puffed and bubbling and just beginning to pull away from the sides of the dish. Do not over bake. You want to keep that gooey, hot fudge pudding on the bottom.

Cool for about 15 minutes. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream, no substitutes. Leftover cake can be reheated in the microwave in individual serving dishes. That is, if you don't eat it all at once. But you probably will.

Killer Chocolate Fudge Layer Cake

Sometimes you need a quick chocolate fix and only a gooey, fudgey, dark, down and dirty chocolate cake will do. So I'm going to share one of my favorite, never fail antidotes for chocolate angst. This absolutely killer recipe comes from Kraft foods and contains three of the staples of what I like to call church lady cooking; cake mix, Jello pudding, and Cool Whip.

And the frosting is so good and easy you might want to make it your "default" chocolate frosting recipe. (I hate to admit it, but sometimes I keep a tub of it in the freezer to use in case of an "emergency," and find myself eating it out of the container with a spoon!)

Not the fanciest chocolate cake in the pantry, but it's so simple and so tasty I almost guarantee you'll make it again. (And BTW, if you tell anyone you got this recipe from me and ruin my reputation as a bona-fide scratch cook, I'll hunt you down like a dog.)

KILLER CHOCOLATE FUDGE LAYER CAKE

1 package chocolate cake mix
1 package Jello Chocolate Flavor Instant Pudding & Pie Filling
4 eggs
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup cooking oil
1/2 cup water
2 1-ounce squares semisweet baking chocolate
Sliced almonds for garnish

Frosting: (Good for ANY chocolate cake)

6 1-ounce squares semisweet baking chocolate
1 16-ounce (or 2 8-ounce) tub Cool Whip

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease (or prepare with baking spray) 2 (9-inch) round cake pans. Beat cake mix, dry pudding mix, eggs, sour cream, oil and water in large bowl with electric mixer until well blended. Stir in 2 squares (2 ounces) of the chocolate, chopped. Pour batter into prepared pans. Bake 30 t0 35 minutes or until toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Remove from pans and cool completely.

Place remaining 6 squares (6 ounces) of chocolate and Cool Whip in microwaveable bowl and microwave on high for 2 minutes. Stir until blended and shiny. Cool. (It will be liquid at first. I put it into the freezer until it returns to the consistency of Cool Whip.) Place cake layer on serving plate, spread with 1/4 of the chocolate mixture. Place second layer on top. Spread remaining chocolate mixture over top and sides of cake. Garnish with almonds.

Note: If you want to lighten up the recipe, you can use fat free sour cream, fat free whipped topping, and even sugar free pudding mix, but I say, why bother.

Almost Flourless Chocolate Cake

CHOCOLATE! Need I say more? As a dedicated chocoholic I'm always on the prowl for the next best chocolate cake, and this one just may be the ultimate. With only 3 tablespoons of flour, this single layer cake is almost a torte really, (I say who needs flour when you've got almost a pound of chocolate), and proof positive that a chocolate cake doesn't have to be a towering concoction covered in butter cream frosting to be the bomb!

This is a super rich and luxurious cake, and I like to amp up the decadence factor even further by using a high quality chocolate, like Valrhona or Scharffen Berger, and European style butter. However, once, in a pinch, I just used a bunch of odds and ends of leftover baking chocolates and plain unsalted supermarket brand butter and it turned out just fine!

It's quick, very easy to make, and, dare I say it, foolproof. Plus, it may just be the best chocolate cake I've ever put into my mouth.


BITTERSWEET CHOCOLATE AND ALMOND CAKE

12 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate (not unsweetened), chopped
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
1/2 cup slivered almonds, toasted
3 tablespoons cake flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
5 eggs
1 1/3 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat over to 325 degrees. Butter 9-inch springform pan (Instead I just spray it with Baker's Secret or another baking spray). Stir chocolate and butter in top of double boiler set over low heat until melted and smooth. Cool chocolate mixture to lukewarm.

Grind almonds, in food processor with flour and salt. Using electric mixer, beat eggs, sugar and vanilla in large bowl until thick, about 2 minutes. Fold in almond mixture then chocolate mixture. Pour batter into prepared pan.

Bake until tester inserted into center comes out with just moist crumbs, about 1 hour 10 minutes. Cool in pan (cake center will fall). Press edges down with fork to level top. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours.

Cut around cake, remove pan sides. Garnish with additional toasted almonds and/or powdered sugar if desired. Serve with fresh whipped cream or creme fraiche, or just eat it plain. SO good.